Where to start...

Much has happened since I have blogged last. I was able to go out to Houston and have a wonderful few days, and even get to meet Chris Tomlin and Louie Giglio. I got a call from Trey on Saturday night saying that Papa had another stroke. They were not sure of the status or how bad it was, so we all immediately went to our knees in prayer. I have been reminded over and over and over again that the Lord really does know what He is doing, and His plan is just so so perfect. I was able to have a wonderful day on Sunday, still in Houston. The Lord allowed me to have a peace about papa that I really cannot even begin to explain. Trey was home for the weekend and was giving me updates every so often, and I knew that everything would be okay.

I flew home first thing on Monday morning. I was able to get to the hospital by about 9 that morning. I had no idea what was in store. Grandma Peggy came to meet me out in the hall of ICU and she immediately fell into my arms and started crying. I was standing there with daddy, not sure what to do next. I could hear the physical therapist in the room trying to help Papa, and he was not very happy about it. He sounded like he was experiencing agony and sounded to helpless. I knew at that moment, that I was only going to be able to go in there through the strength of the Lord. I walked into the room and my Papa Nathan was swollen and looked so so helpless. I think he recognized me, but I couldn't help but cry and cry and cry. I tried so hard to be strong in front of him, but I just could not do it. I spent the entire rest of the day at Papa's side with the exception of daddy taking me to get some lunch. Papa kept trying to tell me things, and when I would not respond correctly you could see the frustration in his eyes. We all just had a very rough day. 

Yesterday morning I spent some time with just Papa and I. A man came in to discuss options about a feeding tube and Papa started balling uncontrollably. This was the very first time that I have ever seen my Papa cry, ever. I am not sure I have ever felt more weak, helpless, and sorrowful, in my entire life. We cried and cried together, and I just remember praying so hard in my mind for the Lord to give me the right words to say to him. He finally settled down a bit, and they took him to get a swallow test. His tongue was so swollen that he was too high of risk of even taking the test. We all got extremely discouraged. After he got back to his ICU room, he started progressing a bit. He wanted to "talk business" with daddy, mom, grandma and I. He would point to each of us and tell us what we needed to know. It was so so hard. 

Jumping to last night: I stayed over night with him in his room in ICU. I can tell that he just does not want to be left alone, and I don't blame him. I reminded him over and over again that I would be sleeping right by him. I woke up every half hour and every single time he was sleeping so peacefully. His breathing sounded more normal than ever, and I could tell he was just getting sweet rest. Today has been a fairly good day. This morning we talked about what day it was, when the Suns were playing tonight, and about all of our family that is coming to see us. He has spent a lot of the morning sleeping some more, which is wonderful. I was able to go home and shower and get some things cleaned up for all of the company that we will be having. Right now it is just him and I in his room again. I relieved everyone to go out and get some lunch and fresh air. The Lord has given me incredible strength today, I have even been strong enough to look right at Papa while he was crying and tell him very sharply that I was okay, and that everyone is okay and that we love him and we aren't going anywhere. I was so thankful to not get emotional, because I know he can feel the weight even heavier when he sees us upset. 

Mom and daddy are almost back from picking up Uncle Andy and Aunt Sherry. PRAY that he doesn't get upset when they come, just thankful they are here. I hope he sees it as relief and nothing else. I am praying for continued strength and stability. I am not sure I have ever grieved as hard as I have grieved in the last 48 hours. Pray for strength and a steadfast mind for Grandma Peggy. She keeps mentioning that she has a lot of decisions to make and feels overwhelmed with what the future holds. I have been reminding her that she has a family that is going to completely surround her, so I just hope she can continue to hold onto that. 

I will do my best to continue to keep you all updated. We love our Papa so much, he has been a solid rock for our entire family. We all keep wondering when we are going to wake up from this nightmare. Pray for strength and clarity.

Love you all.

Be blessed.