Dear Lord, Captivate my heart.

¹³ Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. ¹⁴ The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

Exodus 14:13-14

Yesterday was such an emotional day. It has been a while since I have had a day where I spend most of it in tears and telling my mom that I want to come home. 

I am soo thankful that I have my family and friends in those times of need; for encouragement and a listening ear. But I am even more thankful that I can just go somewhere alone, and talk to Jesus. I kept begging Him to just captivate my heart, take away any fear or anxiety that is within me, and just know that HE  will bring deliverance and HE is who I live to honor and please. 

Being in a leadership position, you put yourself in more of a public light to be watched and even attacked. I am learning that it is not necessarily that you get attacked, but how you handle the situation that will reveal your heart. Sometimes we get manipulated and cornered into something that we have nothing to do with, but we still have to deal with it. Although I am completely not at fault, I was dragged into this, and now I have to show that my heart's only concern is for my Savior, and that I won't let someone's words take away my joy or my confidence. 

I have been praying and asking the Lord to teach me something. Something that I have no idea I need to be taught. I didn't know that this lesson was going to come with such a sting but I am still so thankful for it. Although there are situations that leave us helpless, cornered, and making us feel like we are drowning in something we have no control over, the Lord STILL wants our attention. Yesterday I found myself basking in my own pitty. Wondering "why me?" and how unfair this entire thing really is. But then a lightbulb hit: The Lord is teaching me something. 

What I am learning: 

I don't have control over anything. God is in control- all the time. 

I need to let the Lord captivate my entire heart.

Patience is always something I need to pursue.

Man will fail you, Jesus won't. Choose Jesus.

I'd rather be hated for standing up for truth than loved for standing up for a lie

Last night Pastor Tony talked about the Lord opening up the windows for blessings to pour out. He showed us how the only time in the Bible that the Lord tells us to test Him is in Malachi 3. He tells us to test Him with our money and finances and see how He can pour out blessings. The point is that the Lord does not want our money. It is rightfully already His. The Lord wants our hearts, and when we show Him that we are willing to give Him what is already His, He is able to work in ways we have never imagined. 

He said this quote that I really liked:

Earning money is making a living, learning to give is making a life

Our hearts are something that are so complex and for some reason we want to take complete possession of them. The Lord desires our hears and desires that our hearts would break for what breaks His heart. When we surrender all of it to Him, He is able to give us the needs and desires that He intends. Its a beautiful thing. 

So today, it is my prayer that the Lord would captivate my heart. Give me the desires of Him so He is able to reveal blessings and work in ways that are out of my control or imagination.